The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
