well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
