My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
