Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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