At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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