So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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