sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize