I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
