Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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