Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
