why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
