dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
