Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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