You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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