now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
