mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
