They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
