If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He felt like a one man threesome
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
