About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize