Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just want to make out with him forever
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
