It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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