In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
