I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
