i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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