i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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