where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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