whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
