She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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