I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
