I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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