There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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