I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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