When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
