question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
