I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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