New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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