Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
