I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Randomize
