sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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