On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
