Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im six kinds of drunk right now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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