There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
