OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
