Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As shirtless as possible
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
