Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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