A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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