I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
