I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
