meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
