I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
