Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
