i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
