please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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