I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
