I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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