I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
