I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
