you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize