90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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