Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
