That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
