just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
