Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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