Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
