so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
