True but thats because hes a fetus.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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