please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
