i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize