i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
