i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
