So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
