Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
