wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
