i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize