Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
