I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
