So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
