Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
