i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i think my cat just said my name.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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