So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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