Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
