This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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