You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
