the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
and you fell through a lawn chair
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
