There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
