I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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