She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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