dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
