My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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