You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize