are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
