margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
