i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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