Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
