On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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