You're completely useless in the revolution.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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