Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
