I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
