Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
