I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
