We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
