he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
too bad you live with your parents still
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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