I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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